Where Have I Been?

My, where have I been? I have been in a cloistered space of contented complacency, where creative outbursts settle muffled and unimportant. Where exultation in the simplicity of nature and existence overwhelms all other sentiments which used to stimulate; where the essence of life in human contact and community fulfills every prior need for self-propulsion or advancement. Time slips by, like an egg slipping off the edge of a frying pan. In an ethereal haze of dimpled gold: perpetual sunshine, crisp autumn leaves. This is home. For now. But it cannot be for much longer. I am not ready for it yet. My inside-self reaches out its figurative arms for more; it cannot resign itself to placidity yet. I am still searching; still unsettled; still yearning for something....different. Some solidity I have not yet found and hope to find soon. Life, singlehood--my singlehood--has been full and colourful, yes, but in spurts and starts. Blocks of sure direction are followed by unsettled searchings, sinking marshes underfoot. While tender-footing through this marsh, I, like an unflinching tour-guide, assure myself that this period of indecision, transition and waiting IS part of the path, not a detour. I welcome and bask in the luxury of this golden plateau I've been given here: two months in Spring City, Utah. But am feeling the need to move from this waiting room to the full action of life. "I must establish myself, I must stand on my own, I must create a life and career for myself"--like a marquee flashing in my brain, these thoughts awaken me from my much needed Savasana in Spring City; one cannot always remain in Relaxation Pose. It is good to be at a cross-road. It means good things will happen--exciting and new things--and isn't that what I live for? I wouldn't know what to do without them...hence I constantly create them for myself! I will be leaving Spring City in December and begin another phase. Miraculously, God has prepared an opening: things here, which I held stewardship over, are being cared for...stewardships are being redistributed...the reasons for my being here have been fulfilled. I marvel at the workings of God and see His good, kind hand. And trust that, just as surely as He has prepared the way to gently usher me out of this phase of life, His Hand will be leading me into whatever is next. But now, life is GOOD.